The Twilight Zone

Christmas flew by. Did Christmas really happen this year already? As I write this, I'm back at work. Technically, the University is closed until the new year, but a skeleton crew of people have embarked into the office for a couple of days. The entire University is shut down--lights dimmed, doors locked. I feel like I'm in the movie the Shining. I'm waiting for Jack Nicholson to pop out from the library stacks and hack me up.

I'm pretty hazy today because I drove back from Dayton last night. I didn't get into Chicago until 1:30 a.m because I decided to go to this mini high school reunion back home. You see, about a week and half ago, this dude I went to high school with, Dylan, tracked me down on myspace. I hadn't talked to him since I graduated in 1995(unless you count the fact we both were at a wedding 3 yrs ago but didn't even notice each other) and he invited me and some other high schoolers to come to the Fox and the Hound, Centerville's local watering hole. I was a bit curious to see some of these people, then again, there was a reason I did not attend my ten year reunion last summer.

I shoved my nerves aside and showed up at the Hound greeted by a bunch of vaguely familiar yet not quite familiar faces. I knew Dylan of course and another girl, but the rest of the crowd (comprised maybe of 10 people) were virtual strangers. I had known of them in high school but never hung out with them. There were over 500 kids in my graduating class and that was considered one of the smaller classes. Everyone at the pub was like: "You went to Centerville?" It was like meeting a room full of strangers except we fucking went to school together for four years. A lot of the folks are married with kids, which freaks me out. I am SO glad I'm not married with kids. I'm also SO glad I don't still live in Ohio like some of these folks. There was a lot of: "So, where do you live now? What do you do?" Then after those questions got cleared up, awkward pauses followed. What the hell do you talk about with people you haven't seen for 11 yrs and probably won't ever see again? Now, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself because everyone was friendly and nice and weren't as cliquey as they were in high school, but I was not into sports or a cheerleader in high school. I was a theatre kid, on the school newspaper. I hung out with the smart kids. Last night I hung out with the "cool kids" I guess. Former jocks and cheerleaders.

Half an hour into the gathering, Dylan had to leave because he didn't feel well. He was the primary reason I decided to venture out last night. Turned out the girl I knew there apparently went to my college, but I did not recollect this. I never saw her in college.

Last night got me thinking about time. 11 yrs has gone by, and I'm such a different person than I was in high school. I'm a completely different person than I was a year ago, and in another year, I'll be different again. Some of these people last night, they have their lives set for them. They've settled. Nothing wrong with that, but the chances of their lives drastically changing in the next year are slim. They've established a career, a family, and a lifestyle. Me on the other hand, I have limitless possibilities. I am so unsettled. I refuse to compromise and settle for less. There is so much uncertainty in my life. I have no idea where/with whom I'll end up. I have no idea where I'll be living in the next year. On some level, uncertainty is frightening, but it's also liberating.

I really want to move somewhere. If not New York, than somewhere else. I recently re-watched Broadcast News on cable when I was home. I've seen this movie like ten times, but not in a while. I forgot how brilliant that movie is. I love the subtle nuances, the seduction between the characters. I love how Holly Hunter's character forces herself to cry everyday. I can relate to her in a lot of ways. I love that it's set in Washington D.C. The movie makes me want to move there--get a pad in Georgetown and write for the Washington Post. I still have a lot of territory to explore before I set up camp.