Keeping it Real

April is almost over and the weather still is chilly. It feels more like fall than spring. This week I've been trying to make peace with some of my issues. I've decided it's pointless to be angry or upset about certain people or situations. Some situations I've recently experienced have left me a little raw and bitter, but I've decided to let go of it all. I don't want to write people off. Sometimes it's such a difficult judgment call when to severe ties with people. I keep thinking I'm glad I made amends with people because where would I be now without them? It's hard for one to be cool with everyone all at once. I feel I've made peace with a few people recently. I realized still having them in my life is worthwhile. Now I must maintain these friendships instead of regressing back into "complicated" territory. It's not awkward or weird anymore to be around these friends, but there are a couple of people still up in air where I'm not sure what the end result will be. I hope in a matter of time our differences will be resolved, too. I had a dream about one of these people in question. I ran into him and basically got down on my knees and begged for forgiveness. I think he did forgive me. I woke up feeling better about him, but alas, it was just a dream. I don't harbor any ill-feelings towards anyone anymore. Just tinges of what once was and what could've been. But I'm okay with the current status.

The search has begun for me to find a place to live. I really don't think it'll be too difficult, but money is always an issue. I like the idea of living alone. This is what I need. I can't take roommates telling me it's unhealthy for me to spend a lot of time alone in my room. This has happened with more than one person. I'm a writer and need to be alone to concentrate. There is nothing wrong with it. I'm also extremely social and go out a lot more than these people who deemed my alone time unhealthy. I've realized it's impossible to live with people you befriend. I think when you become friends and live together, you let your guard down and bad habits begin to filter through. You can easily take advantage of each other. It almost becomes too close for comfort having to spend day in and night together. It gets to the point in order to salvage the friendship, you have to split up. Sad but true. This is why it's better to live alone.

This week, I've felt good about some things. It's made me feel happy to support my friends and their creative endeavors. It's like you give something and you get back. It makes me feel flattered when people post stuff I write on their sites. More and more people, including friends, are beginning to read my blog so now I must be extra careful in what I write. I must write like anyone in the entire world at any given time could pop in. It amuses me how some people find my blog like Googling "sabotaging a relationship when it's going well" "guy has lost interest" and "intimacy issues." I hope I was of help to those folks.

I haven't been very enthused about a lot lately so I thought, why not throw a party? Frenchie and some of his French buddies are congregating on Saturday to celebrate the French election, so it makes sense to bridge French and American relations with an "apero" party. I have no idea what friends of mine will show up. The last party we threw back in October, only 10 people came. I ended up doing something with a certain someone that I probably shouldn't have done. This time, I will probably end up doing something with a different someone. It's inevitable.

Next week I have a few events going I'm looking forward to. More on those as they occur. I also applied for a writing job within my company today. It entails writing the company newsletter, copy editing, stuff like that. Fingers crossed. I think.

I'm also in a weird, unfamiliar situation right now. Typically, I find it hard to be friends with guys. Looking back to all my guy friends, I would say at some point in time, I've been romantically involved with a huge chunk of them. Then there are those guys who I never was friends with because we were just lovers and now have become platonic. Usually, I just jump in the sack with a guy immediately (or let's say a month) upon meeting, so it's rare for me to go out drinking with a guy alone and not have anything happen afterwards. I'm beginning to think this is how it's supposed to work. You meet someone. You click. You discuss deeply personal things like childhood trauma. You cry in front of them. You connect. You get to know each other on an intellectual, non-physical level thus building up the potential for some sort of meaningful relationship to evolve. Hmm [insert light bulb going off in head]. Now it's a matter of will it always be strictly friends or will it eventually evolve into something romantic? You need to build the foundation first or the "house" will crumble down the way. To quote the song "I've Got A Feeling" by Ivy: "Baby, what can I do? I've got a feeling all I need is a love that's true." And maybe, just maybe, my instincts are right about this one.

On that note, here are some cool photos to check out.
Finally, here's a New City article I wrote this week. I think it turned out quite well.