The End of Summer

This Labor Day weekend officially marks the end of summer. Well, technically summer lasts until mid-September, but summer in the metaphoric sense is over. To me, summer began in May. I don't know what it is about the month of May, but things always seem to happen around then. I moved into a new place and suddenly my social life took a shift for the better. I went to a bunch of concerts and got tangled in some interesting situations. I'm starting to have nostalgia for those days. The rest of my summer went okay. I didn't really travel much except to Ohio and D.C. I think when you're an adult, summer isn't a big deal. You don't even notice it. When you're in school, it's a defined period of time. I spent several weeks this summer unemployed which really sucked. Luckily, things finally took a turn for the better around the end of July. I guess you could say I had a summer fling or two, but just like summer itself, all too fleeting. Lollapalooza and Pitchfork fest were definite highlights for me. Frenchie is now gone and I miss him. Motivation to get to France, suppose. No more Frenchies! I don't know what's in store for me this fall, though. Autumn is my fave season but it's also a time for change and when darkness sets in. Soon it'll be my bday which is alarming. Am I really going to be 30? More on that later. At this point, all I want it to make a living as a writer. I'm trying to kick ass at Time Out in hopes they'll just give me a job. I know it's not that easy, but if other people can do it, so can I. The other day I met someone there who went to the same college I did in Ohio! I was looking through his Myspace friends and discovered we had a mutual friend--a guy I knew in college and also knew in L.A who starred in my first short film. I asked the Time Out guy about this and turns out he went to Ohio University like me and was there the same time as me. No wonder he looked familiar. Small world.

I'm hoping this will be a good weekend, much better than last anyway. I just finished an extensive writing project, so I'm good to go. I even turned down going out last night to get it done. Yay me. I'm celebrating my friend's bday tonight and hitting up another party tomorrow night and some bbqs. All I really want to do is sleep and watch movies (downloaded Superbad, just got Inland Empire on Netflix). Life exhausts me. I'm feeling a bit melancholy right now and I don't know why. I can't fathom how fast times goes and how quickly things change. This time last year things were so different. The people I hang out with now in Chicago, I didn't even know them last year. I keep wondering will I still be friends with them in a year. I've mentioned this before. But I can't imagine my life without them. This very weekend last year was a very difficult and emotional time for me. My brother and I had to travel to L.A and say goodbye to our dad who was dying. It was one of the worst trips in my life. I spent the weekend fighting with my brother and cousin (who I don't talk to anymore) and had to say goodbye to my dad who didn't even recognize me. A week after seeing him, he passed away (five days before my bday, nonetheless.) The only good part about the trip were my friends who all rallied around me in support. A year has passed and I still can't deal with the situation. It still upsets me and maybe it always will. Some things you just don't get over.

I guess what I hope for the new season and my new age ahead is for things to be less complicated and less hardship and struggling. I want the writing career more than anything and feel like I've made some great strides in the past year. I was at my temp job yesterday and it made me want to slit my wrists. I simply cannot work in a non-creative environment. I suppose my love life will continue to be in disarray filled with drama although I'm getting to the point where it's all or nothing. I deserve better and so does every person I know. I don't know why it has to be so complicated for all my friends and myself included. Is it us? Or them? Or both. I won't think about it too much right now. I just have to stay focused and keep working hard and hope it'll all eventually pay off. That's about it I have control of right now. Onward and upward.