The Supposed Light at the End of the Tunnel

Today I applied for a full-time job at Time Out. Associate Music Editor. If I get this job, I'll basically be doing what I love for a living. My awesome friend helped me revise my resume and cover letter. I seriously think it's the best cover letter ever. If I don't get this job, I don't know what'll do. I feel I've paid my dues and my time has come. I'm so sick of struggling and being poor and not doing what I'm passionate about full-time. I don't particularly have editing experience, but it's a job I know I'm qualified to do. So, I keep thinking positively. I've worked so hard in the past few years, I totally deserve this. Next week I officially start my temp/part time paid gig which will encompass a lot of what this job is. I just have to do a good job and not screw it up. I have a lot of confidence in myself that I won't. This is what I'm good at. Period. So say some prayers for me. I'm getting closer. If I do get this job, I'm seriously gonna throw a big party. I'm going to reward all my friends and family who have stuck by me, given me money, bought me food and drinks, etc. I promise I will give back. It'll be awesome.

The weather here is completely ridiculous. It snowed again today. Like blizzard conditions. I'm so sick of the slush and snow. This has been the craziest winter ever. It never stops. I've been thinking a lot lately about friendship. I've been doing an inventory in my mind with my friends like who I consider to be good friends and who not so good friends. I attract certain kinds of people and more and more I feel certain other people don't fit into my world anymore. I typically attract creative types, especially music lovers, and people who give something to our friendship. It's come to my attention lately there are some people, so-called friends, who seem to take more than give. I do not want people like this in my life anymore. It's tough deciding who you remain friends with. When you're younger, a lot of times you're forced into being friends with someone because you go to school together or what not, but when you're older, I think you can pick and choose better. Thus, I've decided I might need to leave certain people behind. They only take from me and my time is precious. They don't seem to fit into my lifestyle and circle of friends anymore. It's always a harsh reality when you realize you can't trust someone and decide to keep them at a safe distance, but sometimes this needs to happen. I do not have room for negative energy in my life and petty high school games. Maybe I'm just speaking of one person in particular that I'm not keen on associating with anymore. It's for the best, really. This person has done nothing but take from me and sabotage me and the ones I care for, thus, I must start to remove this person from my life. It'll be hard, but a necessity at this point. I only want to surround myself with genuine people who really support and care about me. People I can trust. If you can't trust someone then what's the point. It may be a difficult transition period, but I know who my true friends are and this person isn't one of them.

Now more than ever, I really need things to come together for me. I need this job. I need the right guy. I just need some luck on my side or else I'm going to lose it. I deserve to be happy, don't I? I deserve good things, right? I deserve to be successful and have good friends and good health and have money and love, right? Right? Sometimes I wonder. I'm letting the negative seep in again. I really must believe everything will work out. That'll get the job, get the guy and live happily ever after. People do live happily ever after, right? I wish I could quit doubting and being down on myself.

Finally, I wrote this article for New City's Love and Sex issue. I think it turned out well. Read at your own discretion, though. A bit of erotica, if you will.