Ah, Life

This weekend spring finally sprung. As much as I hate using that terminology, it's true. Saturday was pleasant enough and today was almost hot. I'm wondering how long this is going to last. I spent some time hanging out in my 'hood which was a buzz with people walking around and dining al fresco. I'm happy the outdoor seating is making a return. Mind you, it's probably not the best idea to drink during the afternoon, but nice weather equals drinking, I suppose.

The rest of my week has been kinda "eh." Thursday night I saw my friend's play, Uncle Vanya, which was really good. I've heard that play is pretty boring, but I was impressed. It was long but it went by fast. The only time I ever go to the theater is to see friends performances, but I guess that's okay, especially since I can get comp'd. I like showing my support. Friday night I saw three bands I really like: White Rabbits/Walkmen/Spoon, all playing on one bill. It was a Camel sponsored event and my friend who works for them hooked me up with a bunch of free tixs. Me being the generous person I am, proceeded to give them to all my little indie rock boys. I sold a couple on Craigslist, too. I was suppose to be on one of the band's list, but wasn't. This is the second time this has happened to me lately. I mean, what the hell? If you say you're going to put me on the list, then do it. Luckily I had four more tickets and was able to get in the show. I thought all the bands were really great. I'd seen Spoon and Walkmen a few times, but it was White Rabbits that stunned me. So good. One good thing about hooking people up with tixs (especially to a sold out show) is they always want to buy you beer. It's a fair exchange, I guess. And since it was a Camel event, they gave out free cigarettes and drink tickets. I don't smoke so I gave the cigs to friends helping them to expedite a slow death.

Saturday night I went to a Star Jones themed party. My friends (for reasons I don't know) decided to celebrate her bday by having cake and posting pictures of her all over the apartment. At first, I was having fun at the party because we were playing flip cup. Once that stopped, I started to feel very depressed. I don't know why. I kept thinking about how I have no money and no prospect of ever being financial stable and that I should give up here in Chicago and just move home. It was weird because my friend who came with me started to have the same feelings simultaneously. She's been going through a hard time, too. We both became sorta weepy and decided to leave. I think I was hit with a little "woe is me." We went to another bar then back to her place for some girl bonding time. Our other friend joined us and suddenly I felt better. I blame my depressed mood on the party. And the people who were (or weren't) at the party.

A day later, I haven't figured anything out yet. I think I'm in a perpetual rut and I don't know how to get out of it. Like I mentioned before, I need to make some changes, even small self-improvement ones. More than anything, I want to make a living as a freelance writer. I know two people who are doing this and I've been trying to network with them about it. If they can do it, so can I, right? It's just I need to find something paid between waiting for gigs and paychecks. I'm told copywriting is a good job that pays well, but all the listings I see seem to require years of experience. I just know I can't keep going on like this, being extremely broke. The bills are piling up. This is the poorest I've been in my entire life. Shouldn't I be rich by now? I really want to move into a nicer and cheaper apartment, one that possible includes utilities. Walking through the neighborhood, I always spot places where I'd love to live. Some places have nice gardens out front or unusual architecture. Why can't I afford to live there? I just need a place of my own, a place where I can entertain people. I feel like I'll never even have that. I know it seems like I'm complaining a lot, but I'm just frustrated as usual. I feel like this is my one chance to do something with my life and if I don't do it now, I'll be forever unhappy and regretful. I know I should just suck it up and get some horrible office job, but I'm not good at those jobs. I get fired or laid off. I keep thinking maybe I should move elsewhere, somewhere cheaper than Chicago, but I'd only be trying to escape my problems.

Sometimes I have this fantasy where I move away in order to have people appreciate me more. I want people to miss me sometimes. Maybe if I left town, these people would realize how great I am. I guess I'm referring mostly to boys but also other people in general. I want to be missed. Or maybe I should just be aloof for a while. I also have a fantasy where I fake my own death just to see who'd come to my funeral. I tried to write a short story about this years ago. I should write that story.

Monday night I'm interviewing one of my fave bands, Cut Copy. The only problem is they're based in Australia, so I have to interview them at night Chicago time (it'll be morning the next day for them). The time difference is strange and what's even stranger is they just had Daylight Saving Time so the interview was pushed up. I don't understand why different countries have DST at different times. I guess I should Wiki it. I've never interviewed an Aussie band before (I have interviewed Swedish, British and Scottish), so I'm looking forward to it. I hope they don't have a thick accent or anything. I'm hoping this week the warm weather will continue and that I can finally pull myself out of my slump. It's been too long. Things have to get better. I think I'm just going to quit caring so much and quit stressing because worrying all the time and analyzing everything to death is making everything exponentially worse. I need to figure out how to absorb/radiate positive energy and cope with my situations.