Hit the Beach

Today is Father's Day which isn't a big deal for me. Even when my dad was alive, I don't remember celebrating it much. Yesterday I went to the beach for a couple of hours (which entailed me getting a little burnt). I walked into the lake and began thinking about my dad and all the times we went to beach together in CA. He loved the water as much as me. Someday I'd like to take his ashes and scatter them on the Caspian Sea. He'd probably like that. I thought about the time we went jet skiing and he fell off and never wanted to jet ski again because he was too afraid. Then I thought about the times we rented a speed boat on the San Diego bay, the time I drove the boat, the time we got stuck in a sandbar. I wish I could go back to the ocean right now and go to Malibu and get on my boogie board and ride the waves. I guess I'll have to settle for Lake Michigan for now. I hope I can find someone to take me sailing this summer.

Over the weekend, I didn't do too much. I went to a show Friday night which was alright, then Saturday went to a b-day party that had a pinata. Everyone should have a pinata at their party. I'm still working on finding a place to live and may have a couple of options. I think I need to prepare myself to possibly be a nomad just going to place to place for a couple of months. I know of an awesome place opening up at the end of July, but I don't know if that'll happen. I'd love to live in the loft area. I'm sure something will work out. I just know I need to get the hell out of my current place and escape my current roommates.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone. I think because Chicago is such a small town and everyone knows each other, things can get a little awkward. Like Thursday night. I'm out at a show and there were three different guys in the same room that I've been involved with...guys who are talking and meeting each other, talking about the basketball game, guys who actually get along with each other. I guess it's not an issue or anything, but I find it assuming especially when these guys ask me, "So, how do you know this person?" Um, yeah. I guess I can't escape it so I won't even try. Someday I'd like to draw a chart connecting all of my and my friends past and present love interests. I know US Weekly did this once with I think Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake and the people they dated. Yunno, you just connect everyone that you've slept with or made out with or dated with your friends and see what it looks like. I think I'd be terrified to see the results though because I know there's going to be a lot of crossover and sharing. I also thought I'd like to get a map of Chicago and pinpoint all the locations of where I've hooked up with guys or gone on dates, etc. I'd like to see if there's a correlation of where they live or the places we hung out. I think that might be scary, too, but also an interesting experiment.

I have so much work to do in the next week. I have a bunch of bios to write for Innerview's Pitchfork issue and another huge project which will be an undertaking. I dyed my hair medium brown. It's darker than it was, but still has some blonde streaks visible. I'm not used to it yet. I hope the sun will bleach it out a little. I want to be tan this summer. And I want to travel, but alas, I'm stuck in Chicago. I want to get out and explore. Then again, Chicago has a lot to offer so I will take advantage of that for now. Maybe hit up the Shedd, a Cubs game, some rooftop views, fests, etc.

And while we're still talking about the beach, I'm beginning to feel like a gigantic wave is about to crash over me. It's like when you're standing in the ocean and you see a wave in the distance...then it begins to get bigger, faster. You think you can either dive under it or ride it out. And sometimes if you're lucky, by the time the wave gets to you it's downgraded...but sometimes it's stronger than you expected. Anyway, I'm feeling like that. In the next few weeks, I have to find a place to live and move, which is going to be very stressful. I also need some sort of steady job to help finance finding a place to live, etc. And when you know your whole deposit is going towards paying your roommate off for the utilities you owe, you're not left with many options. And when you know your Stimulus check that you still have no idea when/if you're getting, is all probably going to back taxes of 2005, well, you're pretty much going under..unless you can find a way not to.

Ah, anxiety. No wonder I can't sleep at night.