The Shape of Things

I can't begin to describe what an exhausting week it's been already. And it's only Tuesday? So, yesterday I realized the severity of my apartment need. I have to move next weekend! So, I set up some appointments. I looked at a place last night that was really cool. Two guys again, but the place is enormous and cheap and prime location. Plus I'd have my own private bathroom in my room. They're showing it to a lot of people, so I feel like I don't have much of a chance, but who knows. I found out today one of my friend's needs a roommate. His place would be even cheaper and even a better situation. Hopefully by the end of the week I can rest assured I won't be homeless. It won't be fun to move all my crap again, but hopefully I won't have to move again for a while. I will miss the South Loop place, but enough luxury living. It's time to come back to reality.

Last night I went out and things got a little crazy. Well, crazy for a Monday. One of my best friend's here in moving out of state in like a week, so I hung out with her and her Irish boy toys and some of my other friends. We had fun dancing and drinking, but before I knew it, it was really late. I took the train home and realized after it was too late that I got on the train going in the wrong direction. I got off the train and since it was late and since I knew it'd be forever before another train came by, I decided to walk home. All 15 blocks or something. Alone. Yeah, I know that you're thinking--I shouldn't be walking alone in Chicago at 3 in the morning, but you know what? It was actually kind of nice. There was no one around. It was quiet. The city was lit up before me. As I walked, I began to think about my place in this city. Four years ago I moved here with someone I loved and that didn't work out. Four years later, I've sorta found love again. Yeah, I guess it can happen in the big bad city. And then I thought about how the current boyfriend has the same name of a paramour who changed my life three years ago and the irony in that. Chicago is always full of surprises and I know it'll keep being that way.

I'm at an interesting stage right now. A transitional stage. It's the end of summer and I can feel things beginning to shift again. Things have to shift once in a while to combat the status quo of life. I'll be moving into yet another place shortly. My friend is leaving and it's already upsetting me. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's the craziest yet most fun person I've ever known and she's leaving me. I will definitely be visiting her which is a plus, but she's one of the few people who's shaped my Chicago experience and she's simply irreplaceable. I don't make close friends easily and honestly, there are only a few people in the city that I consider close friends. Everyone else is more or less an acquaintance, but I need to try harder to bridge that gap and become closer with certain people because I'm going to need them. Like all my concert/party buddies. It's going to be a rough September. And on top of everything, I feel older. I'll be 31 in a few weeks and maybe a sense of maturity comes with the age. I feel like my life, or maybe me, is so different than I was a year or two ago. I still don't feel like a responsible grown up, and I still look really young, but I do know I have to take responsibility for certain actions and not put myself in complicated situations. And I've increasingly become a lot more domesticated in the past few months because of the boyfriend. I've definitely calmed down a lot, but not completely. There are still remnants of the old me from time to time. Hell, I'm even thinking that someday, like four years from now, I'd actually like to get married and have kids. I see a lot of my high school friends married with kids and it just seems like the thing to do. So, I'm not ruling it out but it's going to take a few more years for me. I've also realized how old everyone else seems. When I met a lot of my friends, they were in their mid 20s and suddenly everyone is in their late 20s and early 30s. How did this happen?

So, there's a change in the air. I think I want to go back to freelancing but only if I knew I could get by on that alone. I miss being able to go out at night, sleep till noon and lounge by the pool all day. I've wasted my summer inside an office. But, I need to save some money, pay off some debt and travel first, then consider my options. And yeah, I eventually need to put together my own website and write that damn book and pitch more ideas. But first things first. I'm dealing with a lot of emotions right now.

Hopefully in my next post, I will have good news about finding a roof over my head. I'm going to a Cubs game tomorrow which will be cool. I'm also spending the week catching up with all the friends I've neglected in the past few weeks. No wonder I'm fatigued.