Goodbye, Chicago

In about two days, I'll be leaving Chicago for another adventure in Cincy/Covington, KY. KY will be the fourth state I've lived in, but since it's a stones throw from OH, it really doesn't count. I have mixed emotions about leaving a place I've called home for 7 years. Geez, has it really been that long? I only lasted in L.A for 5 and that seemed like an eternity. I find parallels between the two cities and my current mentality. I left L.A to run away from things. I met my first real boyfriend out there, then followed him to Chicago only to have that relationship go down in a ball of flames. I also decided L.A was too stressful, expensive, and that I'd accomplished everything I was going to out there. I was ready to shift gears, and those gears was towards a journalism career. I moved home for 8 months, which wouldn't have been so bad except for the constant brow beating between me and the boyfriend. Living at home gave me a chance to collect myself and move to a new city: Chicago. I never thought I'd last more than a couple of months in the Windy City. I actually planned on going to N.Y soon after the move but life has a funny way of not giving you what you want, or at least steering you in a completely different direction. 7 years ago if you told me I wouldn't end up in NY, I would've cried. Today, I'm glad I never made the move, but who knows. It could still happen. I think when you're in your 20s, there's a certain allure of the big city, which is why I was attracted to L.A then Chicago. But now I'm heading into my mid-30s and I gasp at the idea of continuing to live in an overpriced, overcrowded, overwhelming city. I want stability. I want a real home and I feel like I can't get that here. My current apartment is dirt cheap but I have no amenities. I don't own a couch or a bed and there isn't a dishwasher or central air or laundry in this building. There are bugs. Flying and crawling ones that I can't get rid of. I'm tired of living like a college kid. I need a place where I won't be embarrassed to invite people over. I need to be an adult, and it's quite difficult to be an adult in a city where if you don't make oodles of money, you can't afford to live like one. Sure, there are things I'll miss about Chi-town. I'll miss the free public pools, the lakefront, my few friends, the skyline, music venues and shows galore and saying I live in Chicago because that sounds better than saying you live in KY. I won't miss the high taxes and the cold weather and all the people and the sports teams and the neighbor upstairs who won't quit stomping around and I won't miss the winters or the overabundance of sushi restaurants or the overwhelming feelings I constantly have. I could go on but I'm being negative. No matter what, the music scene and John Hughes will always epitomize the city for me (heck, I've even been on the unofficial John Hughes tour). When I moved to Chicago almost exactly 7 years ago, I moved here on a whim with a boyfriend. He had told his family we were moving up here before he even told me. Bad sign. I didn't get a say in the place we lived. I didn't get a say in much. I just was a hanger-on. We lived in a studio (!) apt. It was very small and cramped and wasn't designed for two people to live together. A few months into it, we broke up. It was horrible. I was homeless the first of two times. Yes, I was "homeless" twice. I never was homeless in L.A or OH. A lot of horrible things happened to me while living in Chicago (like losing my dad and being so poor I had to pay a cover with change), but I like to think it helped me build character and become independent. Living in L.A, I was also forced to be independent and not rely on others. After the breakup, I could've easily moved back to OH, but I decided to stick it out. I had a couple of jobs. I didn't like them but they paid the bills. Then I really started writing. I wrote a lot for various local and national publications. I found my voice, so to speak. I became a real journalist. I started going to concerts. I interviewed bands. I went to Sundance. I became that kid from the movie Almost Famous. It was amazing. Between 2006-2008, I was single. It pretty much sucked. I met a lot of interesting men, but they all turned out to be duds in their own way. I quickly realized I wasn't good at being single. Then one spring day four years ago I met someone who changed my life. He was good. Really good. And we became good friends. Then we became more than friends. And now we're moving to KY together. I guess that saying about one door closing and another one opening rings true -- it's like I lost the first boyfriend but then I gained another, better one. It's almost like he was the reason for me to move here. If I hadn't, maybe I never would've met him. Let's just hope things won't go awry for us once we move to a new place. I'm scared to move but also excited. I haven't moved in three years, which has been kind of nice. I really hate moving but at least I won't have to do it alone like I did when I left L.A. I know this won't be the end with my relationship with Chicago. I know I'll be back. I'll miss my friends but I don't see most of them on a regular basis, anyway. I've seen a lot of good friends come and go, which has been pretty hard, especially when you feel like they're leaving you behind. I've always felt Chicago was a transient city, where people come for a short while then move on. It seems like it's a mandatory destination for a lot of people, especially creative ones. There have been so many actors who've lived in Chicago before they springboarded into something better. I'm hoping that holds true for me. I also was thinking how there really aren't places I'll want to return to when I visit the city. It's not like I have my fave bar or restaurant. I think the only things I'll ever want to do are return to the music venues I once frequented, but the way things are going, I may phase out concerts completely. I'll have to find a new career in KY. Maybe I'll keep writing about the same things or maybe I'll venture into something else. What I really want to do is write that book, which maybe I'll finally get around to doing soon. I know people think it's weird why I want to leave Chicago, but I have my reasons. There are hills in Cincy/KY! Rolling hills. There's a lookout where you can see the entire city from a park! Food trucks are legal! And so is happy hour. Chicago is the only major U.S city that doesn't allow happy hour. WTF? Living there won't be a permanent thing (I think), it's just a brief stop along the way to something else. I miss my family a lot. They're getting older and I need to be closer to them. I need to take my nephew to Kings Island. I need him to come visit me for the weekend. I need to go to Cedar Point. I need to go back to Athens, OH. I desperately need to get a cat because the kitty I brought from L.A passed away recently and that confirmed to me my childhood is really over. I need to fill that void with another kitty. I also need to figure out a way to become rich because I'm sick of not being rich or just scrapping by.

But where do I go from here? Up I hope. I need to find a part-time job in my new city. I need to make more money. I'm looking forward to decorating my own goddamn home to my liking. This will be the first time since college I get to live in my own home that I picked out that wasn't previously inhabited with a roommate/stranger. When I move in, the place will be completely empty, and I'm looking forward to that. Finally, a real home. This also will be the first time I've lived within driving distance of my mom. Before, I've lived way to far away to make a day trip or I've lived with her under the same roof. I'll be far enough to have my own life but close enough to pop in for dinner. And to me, that sounds pretty great.