Hello, My Name Is Garin and I'm an Alcoholic

Last night I went to one of my roommates, Katherine's, company Christmas party. Open bar, hot guys, hell, I'm there. She works for a company called GFT. They do something called forex trading with currency. Sales people, basically. The party was held at the swanky Ritz Carlton. I had to get all dressed up for it, which is something i don't like to do. Katherine told me to dress conservatively, so I did even though I wanted to look like a slut. I wore a skirt and my peacoat jacket. It was SO FUCKING COLD last night, like hypothermia cold. Taking the train there, I noticed it looked liked I wasn't wearing anything underneath because my skirt is short and my jacket covered it up. I noticed people gawking at me. They probably thought I was a hooker trying to earn some extra holiday cash.

We get to the Ritz and everyone is dressed up. Men wearing suits, but the girls all have skanky dresses on, so I guess I could've looked slutty after all. One guy has a suit on and his hair slicked back channeling Charlie Sheen from Wall Street. As soon as we get there, I hit the bar. I immediately order a martini. It's strong. Pure vodka. I slam it down and Katherine's boss goes: "Nice work on the martini." I'm a pro. So, I quickly order a Cran Vodka, my signature drink. We all go into the dining room for dinner. At the table this dude who looks exactly like Terrance Howard--yunno, the guy from Crash and Hustle and Flow-sits with us along with his Asian model date. Earlier, Katherine informed me he's a bit shady. Yeah, I get that vibe. So, the waiter fills my glasses with champagne and wine. I think I had two glasses of Champagne and wine with my dinner consisting of sea bass and green beans. Katherine talks another tablemate's ear off about royalty and wanting to go to Dubai. This is what she does.

So, after dinner, I decide to go to the ladies room. All of a sudden I don't feel so well. I throw up. I throw up a mixture of sea bass, wine, you name it. Vomit is all over the seat. It's only 10pm and I'm throwing up. So, I decide I'm not well enough to leave. I lay on the cold, marble floor in the stall and I think pass out for a few minutes. When I recover, I feel so much better. I mean, it sucks to throw up, but it really does make you feel okay and doesn't give you a hang over. I really shouldn't drink so much because either I end up throwing up or hooking up with someone. Tonight, it was the former. And I feel when I do stupid things like drink too much, I miss out on the evening. Vodka has always been my vice. So has open bar.

I put myself back together and return to the dining room, but Katherine and most everyone else isn't there. I panic a little thinking maybe I was ditched. Luckily there is a cup of cold coffee waiting for me at the table, so I sit there and drink it. Terrance Howard is still there and now so is Katherine's boss who remarks to me: "Why are you drinking coffee?" If only he knew what I just experienced. We talk about how I'm a writer and I joke about how I'm gonna blog about the evening. Ha, ha. No joke. I'm a writer. So, I start to wander around looking for my MIA roommate. I find her in the reception area mingling. There is a dessert buffet. Yum. She wants to leave and go to Borders to read "Royalty Monthly." Of course. So, we leave. I was just getting my second wind.

On the way to Borders I realize I've lost a glove. I only have one glove like Michael Jackson. Now I have to go to H&M and buy a new pair. We go to Borders and read some mags then make our long trek home. We take the Red Line to the Brown Line and some guys hit on in, especially this one dude who keeps saying he'll be our daddy. Um, no thanks. We get off the train and have to walk 5 blocks to our place. The wind is whipping, our feet hurt from our heels, I'm wearing only hose. I found another glove at the train station, so I have 2 gloves now. This must be what James Kim experienced in the wilderness. Okay, maybe not quite, but it was COLD! We finally get home and all is right with the world.