Odds and Ends

This picture epitomizes what has been going on here in Chicago. It's been inhumanely cold, but to make matters worse, it started snowing today. Funny, last night I told a friend I wouldn't mind the cold as much if it at least snowed. I guess I jinxed it.

Today I had a job interview and had to walk ten minutes from the train to the office. As soon as I walked in, my potential employer was horrified: "Oh my! You need some tea." I was a Popsicle. I think the interview went well and it is a place I'd like to work. The job wouldn't start for a couple of weeks, so I guess I can temp until plans have been solidified. The job entails doing something with menus/restaurants, and my potential employers were thrilled I had done restaurant stuff when I interned at The Onion. I never thought working for The Onion would pay off in a non writing situation. Go figure.

Tomorrow I have a 1,200 word essay due and a couple of reviews for New City. Right now I'm slacking off. I've been thinking about my current state of relationships (then again, when am I not pondering relationships?) and what I want. I seem to change my mind a lot, but I have come to some conclusions. It's not that I'm a commitment-phobe or anti-dating, it's just I want to be with someone who's worth my time and effort. I don't want to get emotionally involved and then have my heart stomped on like I have in the past. This is my fear. I also don't want to date for the sake of dating. I don't like the label "dating" because it automatically puts pressure on the couple and coerces you to be on your best behavior. When you're getting to know someone in a dating atmosphere, you have to slowly peel away the layers, revealing details little by little. You don't want to throw all your cards on the table on the first meeting. This makes it hard for me to be myself. I much rather meet someone, build up a friendship, a foundation, and then segue into the "dating" arena. It's the expectations that make things tricky. I'm also a strong advocate of a "friends with benefits" scenario. The only danger lies in possibly ruining the friendship or deciding you want more from the situation, but as long as you can separate the two, it's a good thing. That way at least your primal need is being met. My roommate has a "friend with benefit" and she's perfectly content. There's something to it.

I'm also the kind of person when I meet a potential mate, the chemistry is either there from the get go, or it's not going to be there at all. Sometimes I think a relationship can evolve, but if you don't feel an immediate attraction, you can't create it. I tried it a few years ago with someone. This guy was really nice and probably perfect for me, but I only liked him as a friend even though he liked me a lot more. Eventually, I broke it off. It's all or nothing with me. I admit, I'm kind of fastidious. If I don't like the type of shoes a guy wears or if he gnaws on his nails, it deters me. Maybe that sounds superficial, but the little things add up. I sure sound messed up in the head, but I know what I want when I see it.