Semi-Anonymous Notes to a Few Of My Past Train Wrecks

Here is my second installment of anonymous notes, this time directed to a few guys (not all) I've been romantically involved with in the past year. I doubt any of the guys listed in my top four read my blog, so I think I'm safe to say what I want. Then again, I never know. [UPDATE: It's not safe.]

1. Ex Boyfriend:
We've been broken up for a few months, and although you still pine for me, I'm doing okay with our current situation. I will always love you in my own way. You and I have an indescribable connection. I know you and I will be always be there for each other. But, I don't feel the same way you still feel about me. We spent five years kicking the shit out of each other, and to me, that's not real love. Sadly, it's the closet I've come to it. You were my first serious relationship and love. We were just kids, though. Our relationship was too co-dependent/needy. I'm sorry for all of my crazy behavior, but your wild mood swings were always worse. I'll never understand how something that seemed so meant to be, something that was so fated and destined, went so terribly wrong. Everyone in my life was right about you--it just took me a long time to see the writing on the wall. We should've broken up at the 2 1/2 year mark. You shouldn't have abandoned me in CA or kicked me out of our apartment 2 years ago. I forgive, but not forget. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have discovered indie rock and be writing about it. Quickly after we met, everything moved so fast with us, but it always felt right. Sometimes I still get sad about us and miss you, but mostly I feel relieved. It's taken a lot of strength and time for me to move on. I'm glad we're still friends. You and I still have a nice comfort level and familiarity. I could be myself around you, but now, there is too much you don't know about me. It's better that way. Since leaving you, I've burgeoned as a writer. My social life has also gotten better. You are too emotionally unstable for me. You have one of the kindest hearts of anyone I know. I hope your play is a major success.

2. DePaul Guy:
I met you when I needed to. You helped me transition away from Ex Boyfriend. I fell for you the day I met you. You know you changed my life--I'll always be grateful for it. Your hotness has always kept me coming back for more. What happened between us was probably wrong on some level, but it seemed right. I liked our clandestine rendezvouses. You and I have always had interesting parallels in our lives, such as the time we reconnected last year surrounding deaths in our families. Having you around meant a lot to me. I believe the universe made our paths converge. It's unexplainable. You are the most fascinating person I've ever known, but I've come to the conclusion you're a bit nuts. I always thought your quirkiness and craziness was charming, after what happened in early November, I realized you were just loco. People warned me about you, but I failed to listen. Even after everything that's happened, I still care. I simply can't let you go. But the more I find out about you, the more you I don't like you. Our paths will intersect again, I know. They'll always merge in unlikely ways. Thanks for the memories. I will never figure you out.

3. Taurus Guy
I liked you from the minute I met you. I'm glad we hooked up when we did. I was hoping for it. You seemed so different from all the other guys, and maybe that's your approach. But turns out, you're just like all the others. I was drawn to you because you seemed sorta edgy, different. You chain smoke, have tattoos, and skateboard--characteristics I wasn't accustomed to. I had a lot of fun hanging out with you over the summer. I looked forward to seeing you in the office and at all those music festivals. Then one day you said we'd should be friends, but I felt you kept giving me mixed signals. Maybe I read into things too much. Later on, I heard some unpleasant things about you. Someone told me you had a thing for interns. I heard about what you did to your ex-girlfriend (who is a friend of mine now). You seem to go from girl to girl. Your relationships only have a lifespan of 2 months. You are a serial monogamist. Why commit to only dump so soon? All of these revelations pissed me off. I considered cutting you out of my life, but then you'd redeem yourself. Despite everything I know about you and experienced, I'm glad we've remained platonic friends. I think you are the exception here. Thanks for being so damn understanding. You're the bestest.

4. "October"
My roommate gave you this nickname. I think it's funny. It's a double entendre. When I met you at the office, I immediately thought you were kinda cute and very intelligent. I never thought anything would happen, though. The night of our party, something overcame us. It surprised us both. Then you said you didn't want it to happen again and naturally it did. I thought there were some possibilities between us, but it soon fizzled. You said we should be friends and hang out, but you never made the time. After our incidents, we kept talking about what happened for hours. Talking and analyzing it stressed me out. And now I see you once a while at your gigs. I'm okay with seeing you, but we never talk much. We really should communicate more. I still think you're kinda cute, but I have no desire to be romantic with you. You and I well never be friends in the real sense, but I'll always support you and the band. See ya in a couple of weeks at your show.


On a totally unrelated topic: this is the coolest thing ever.