The Aftermath

8 hours later and things have rapidly escalated and finally died down. Today I learned a very difficult lesson and am I currently reeling from it. Where does freedom of expression begin and end? What boundaries should we set for ourselves? It's a difficult call to make. I have profusely offended a couple of people today and all the apologizing in the world isn't going to rectify my relationships with them. I don't know why I sabotage myself. Sometimes my insecurities creep in and get the best of me. Sometimes your worst fears become a self-fulfilling prophesy. I believe everything happens for a reason. There are no accidents in life. The events that have transpired since Saturday night all occurred for a greater purpose. Maybe on some level I wanted people to know about my indiscretions. Maybe unconsciously I was trying to get back at a certain someone for hurting me. Either way, it's wrong to throw your dirty laundry out there because you have to deal with the consequences, and boy, the consequences are always tremendous. I wish I could go back in time like in that horrible Adam Sandler film Click and change events. Alas, I cannot. I am coping with a major consequence right now. I am not happy about the result, but I only have myself to blame. I brought it on myself. Now I know how Jennifer Aniston must've felt having her love life spewed all over People magazine. Okay, maybe I'm being hyperbolic--I'll never know what it's like to be Jennifer, but certain events should always remain private no matter what. When you take them to a public forum, humiliation ensues. Lives are wrecked. Feelings get hurt. People in China read my blog, for Goddsakes. Do I want people in China knowing certain things? As a writer, I need to find the balance between expressing myself and keeping some things more discreet. I wish I could figure out a way to do so. Writing can be so personal yet so damaging. For some of you out there, I have given you a bit of entertainment for the day. Others, well, not so much. Like I said, there is a reason for everything. The wheels were set in motion leading to other events that all connected together. This was meant to happen. We are only in control of part of our destiny, the rest is left to the universe. Today I didn't control my destiny very well. The thoughts and desires we put out there always come back to us. We must be careful with these thoughts. It remains to be seen what'll come of this debacle. All I have left is some of my dignity. My reputation, not so much. At least more people know about and read my blog! I haven't decided if this is a good thing yet or not. Let's just say the next time I run into certain people, it's gonna be a tiny bit awkward.

All you can do is sift through the pile of rubble and hope something good will come out of the self-inflicted disaster. Or at least pray for good karma. Or quit fucking blogging about your love life. Or both.