Livin' the Dream, Or At Least Trying

Yesterday I lived out the role of a true music journalist, kind of like that kid in Almost Famous. Sometimes I feel my life mirrors that movie except for the fact I'm not 15 and I'm not getting paid a shit load of money to interview bands. But, the adventure of it all is my life. Last night I attempted to see Peter Bjorn and John in concert. For those of you who don't know them, they are one of the hottest bands right now. Yes, they are Swedish. A couple of their songs have been featured in commercials, so you've probably heard them without even knowing it. They played two sold out shows last night becoming the must see act of the year. I went into the evening having no idea what to expect. I went to the venue before the start of the show to interview one of the opening acts, Fujiya & Miyagi, a band from England whom I really love. I had received a bunch of vague details beforehand so the interview seemed uncertain. Luckily, everything worked out swimmingly. I love it when things fall into place. I interviewed the three guys on the steps of a church. Yesterday was warm, a perfect Chicago spring evening–a rarity in the city. It was my first in person band interview and first time interviewing a band before their show. I sometimes come off as being a meek individual, but for some reason I don't have trouble interviewing bands. I'm good at talking to bands, not so good at talking to other people. I don't know why but bands don't make me nervous at all. You just have to do your research and be prepared and talk to them like they're normal people, which they are. So, after the interview, I got into the show through the band. This time I could honestly say "I'm with the band." Peter Bjorn and John simply blew me away. Probably one of the best shows I've ever seen. I was lucky enough to get into the second show because I was actually on the list for that one. It was even better than the first. They changed their set list, did different songs, and simply rocked out. My boys, Fujiya & Miyagi, were also stellar. I felt like a proud mother watching them knowing I had just discussed English and American colloquialisms with them a couple of hours before.

After all the reverie and excitement from last night, I'm back at my job, snapped back into reality. The high is gone. There has to be a way to make a living doing what you love. I talk to bands all the time (last night's included) who've had horrible day jobs and they somehow found a way to do their art full time. So why can't I? Last night someone told me they see my name in publications all over town and said I'm like a famous writer. I love finding my publications on the street corner or in venues, opening them, and showing my friends my articles. It makes me seem cool or something. Despite my bragging rights, I feel like I'm getting nowhere with the writing. I think my problem is I don't know what to do with my life. I'm seriously at the crossroads. In the immortal words of the Clash, "should I stay or should I go?" Should I stay in Chicago (which more and more I realize it probably the best city to live) or temporarily give it all up and try New York? Will I ever meet Mr. Right or will I continue along a doomed path? Will I ever find a job that won't make me want to slit my wrists? I'm beginning to wonder. Last night I had some indepth conversations with a friend philosophizing on life over beers. He asked me what motivates me to get out of bed in the morning. I seriously had to think about this. It's surely not because I'm excited to get up early and go to work. I came to the conclusion it's hope and possibility. You just never know what the day will present. You just never know what'll happen. I think this keeps us going during the valleys. Yunno, peaks and valleys. Life always has a way of balancing itself out. The peaks are amazing, but the valleys are cold and harsh. But it can't be all peaks all the time or even valleys. My friend and I have some fascinating conversations. He challenges me. He makes me ponder the greater picture. I'm intrigued about our relationship. It's quite unusual to say the least. Right now I'm being pursued by a guy I have absolutely no interest in dating. I will probably at least have the proverbial coffee with him, but I hate it when guys I don't like are into me. Why should I even bother? Why can't the ones I really like pursue me? In a non-overbearing, non-suffocating way of course. There are a couple of others I'm interested in but I have no idea what's going on. I like both of them a lot, but one doesn't respond to me quite as quickly as I'd like. The other, well, it's blatantly obvious we are meant to be together. All the signs are there especially those subtle yet significant signs that emphasis a greater meaning. I simply don't know what to do. I guess keep going along with it for now.

A couple of people recently have mentioned I'm guarded and/or quiet. I hate it when people call me shy or reserved. I am in a lot of ways, but in other ways I can be very bold. Is being shy such a bad trait? I feel like it is. People always wonder what the hell I'm thinking, but I'll never tell. There should be some mystery. I'll open up when I feel comfortable with someone. I don't like being put on the spot to divulge my life story, which is increasingly becoming more interesting. I'm not going to talk just for the sake of talking. If I don't have anything important to say, I'm not going to chit chat about the weather or something. Most of the people I hang out with are more outgoing than me but this is good because it forces me to keep up with them. I need to be more decisive, too. Sometimes I just don't care where to eat and stuff.

On another note, a certain someone has asked me to not to blog about them anymore, so I will respect this person's wishes. This person won't be mentioned in my blog anymore not because this person isn't in my life, but because I have to respect their privacy. So there. No more. Maybe someday I'll no longer piss people off with my blog.

I don't know what's going to happen in my life, but I feel changes are in order and will occur soon. Things can't stay status quo forever. Things are already beginning to shift and morph and converge in new ways. I need to plan some trips. Maybe that'll help put things in perspective.