The Doldrums of August

Yesterday I worked my first photo/fashion shoot. It made up for the fact up until yesterday I hadn't done much with my internship. I spent most of the day in a studio loft with a small group of people and "models." These models weren't professional models but were everyday people being photographed. Some were art students and some were actors but they weren't like Kate Moss or anything (like I thought they'd be). The guy who runs the studio had pretty good taste in music so it was cool to be immersed in stuff I actually liked all day. I ended up doing a lot of running around including dropping off film and returning clothes to boutiques nearby. Yesterday reminded me a lot of my L.A production days when I'd work on set and have to cater to everyone. It was nice to be out of the office for once. I hope I can spin the internship into something worthwhile whether it's getting a job at Time Out or making the connections that'll get me where I need to go. All I want is a career which entails being around smart, cool, creative people all day and getting paid to be artistic 40 hours a week. I wouldn't mind to be a photographer's assistant or work in an art gallery. Something along those lines. I just want to be apart of a creative environment all the time. We'll see what happens. The photo shoot also made me want to go shopping and buy things I cannot afford. I'm writing about a boutique this week, too, which doesn't help the cause of splurging on unnecessary items. I will control myself and save my money. The events from yesterday made me think about two guys which in turn depressed me because I will probably never be with these guys the way I want to be. Unrequited crushes suck. And having nice dreams about said crushes surely doesn't help the cause.

This week has been sorta quiet socially (except for Monday night when things were a bit crazy at the rum event). One of my roommates hasn't been around (he's cat sitting) and other friends are MIA and/or out of town. The quiet has been nice though--it's enabled me to focus on my work and has been a contrast to some of the craziness going on lately. But at the same time, I get agitated and worrisome wondering when I'm going to see certain people again. Some people I need to see/talk to on a every other day, weekly basis. I have to keep all my balls in the air, so to speak: work, social, etc. When one balls falls all of them do. I just have to keep my momentum up. Hopefully this weekend things will pick up again. Maybe. I think the slowness also has to do with it being the end of summer. Not a whole lot is going on. There's a reason August is typically the dumping ground for bad summer movies. I haven't even been to a show in a couple of weeks which is rare for me. There's nothing on the horizon until September. Speaking of September, in less than a month I'll be 30! I'm getting freaked out about this. I don't want to admit to this. I can't be 30! No way. I need to make some plans, although I don't want to acknowledge the day.

When people don't write me back, I immediately become offended and/or anxious thinking I did something wrong. There's been some of that lately. I have a tendency to walk on eggshells a lot- sometimes for no reason. I just don't want to piss people off or bother people so when I don't get a response I automatically assume I did something wrong or that people are going to turn on me. I'm a people pleaser and sometimes it's hard to make everyone happy. I wish I didn't have such a complex. I wish people would sometimes be more responsive already. Also, my blog readership seems to be down. Maybe I should quit blogging all together. If no one reads this, what's the point?