The Long Weekend

It's practically Tuesday but feels like a Sunday. Long weekends will have that affect. Overall, I had a good weekend. It was nice to finally have some time off to relax and not have the usual obligations of writing deadlines and feeling the utmost need to go out. I even turned down an invitation to go out Sunday night because sometimes staying home and watching movies is better. I just don't want to feel obligated to do things all the time. I'm learning to say no and turn down certain invitations but at the same time, I want to appease everyone. It's a tough balance to do both.

Friday night I went out for my friend's bday. Saturday night I went to a party which was fun and weird. I discovered guys like it when you wear your hair in pigtails and wear glitter eyeliner. I don't think I went to bed until around 5 a.m. I did run into a slightly complicated situation the next morning. There are some gray areas confusing me. The best part about long weekends is you can sleep in as late as you want. Sunday included a partial "Twin Peaks" viewing and then I finally got around to watching Scenes from a Marriage. It's a really long film but really good. It depicts marriage and relationships in an honest and realistic light. Even though it was made over 34 yrs ago, the relationship commentaries haven't changed much and remain apropos. Today I went to a bbq where I don't think I've seen so many meat products in one isolated setting. It was a good time until the mosquitoes and allergies arrived. Today I just started getting into the show "My Boys." It's set in Chicago and I keep seeing posters around the city for it. The thing is, it's not really shot here but there are constant allusions to the city like in one episode a guy wears a Metro shirt which, like "Entourage," is an esoteric reference unless you actually live in the city the show takes place in. Some of the show is quite silly, but I can relate to the main character who is this 20-30 something sports writer chick who can't seem to keep a guy. She narrates with all sorts of baseball metaphors. Her "boys" consist of her mostly platonic guy friends. It's funny because all the time people will ask me: "How are your boys?" referring to the complicated/non-platonic relationships I had or do have with the guys in my life.

Anyway, it's back to the grind for the rest of the week. I'm still contemplating what I should do for my b-day less than two weeks away. There's a concert I really want to go to on that night (the 15th) but unless I can get on the list, I'm not going. I either want to do something really small or something really huge like invite everyone I know in Chicago to my place and/or to a bar. I have this fear that once I turn the big 3-0, guys won't be interested in me anymore. I will be forced to start "dating" guys my own age instead of the younger ones. I mean, does a 25 year old really want to be involved with a 30 year old even if said 30 year old looks 20? I hope so. I do have some fantasies for my b-day, though. There are certain people who I really want to be apart of the big night and if they aren't, I'll be crushed. I want certain people to throw some love and attention my way. I was thinking about making a list of all the things I need to accomplish before I turn 30. The list would include things like: "Become rich and successful." "Meet the man of my dreams." "Get over my crushes." "Lose 10 lbs." "Get my own place." "Have my entire life figured out." "Go overseas." "Learn to text message faster," stuff that'll be virtually impossible to accomplish (except maybe the latter). Writing this list depresses me. I do take comfort in knowing 20 isn't what it used to be. It's okay to be single and floating around aimlessly and not have it all figured out, right? Someone told me in Europe, life begins at 30 and society doesn't expect you to start accomplishing anything until then. I do know a lot of 30 year olds who are still trying to find themselves. I mean, what's the alternative? Married with kids? Fuck that. Anyway, enough about my old self.

One thing that's been slightly bothering me lately is my apartment. Living with two guys is kinda getting on my nerves because they are messy. I will clean up the kitchen and literally an hour later it's a disaster area. Or maybe it's just the result of living with people who actually cook (unlike me) but it drives me nuts. My friend came over yesterday and asked one of my roommates if she could re-organize the apartment and he shot her down. I mean, do we really need an empty fish tank filled with books setting in the kitchen? We need more paintings and better furniture but since nothing in the apartment is mine, fat chance. This is why at the age of 30, I should have my own place and not be living with roommates. Hopefully at least one of the things on my list will happen before I turn 31. I wonder...