Thirtysomething

Exactly one week from now, I will officially be 30. I'm seriously beginning to freak out about this. My mom keeps saying I need to start dressing like a 30 year old, i.e, no more jeans and t-shirts. Apparently 30 year olds shouldn't dress down or look young. Apparently I should start wearing blazers and skirts all the time. I was also jokingly referred to as a "cougar" the other day. I don't think I fit this description in the sense I'm not old and wrinkly with implants, but I do like younger guys. I don't think 5-6 years younger than me constituents jail bait, though. I can't help it that I still look young. Even if I tell people how old I am, they're not going to believe me, so I feel I should go along with my youthful appearance and play the part. There will be enough time when I'm even older to try to look young, but since I still look 21, why should I try to disguise it? Shouldn't I just enjoy my youth while I still can, while I still don't have wrinkles, while guys in general still like me? Fuck getting older. It's just a state of mind, really.

I keep obsessing about my b-day party next weekend. I wonder what'll happen. There are a lot of bars in my neighborhood I want to go to that I've never been. I don't know who will show up and what the evening will entail, but I hope it'll be fun. Everyone is excited about my b-day but everytime they say the "3-0" word I die a little inside. My friend mentioned I should buy a special b-day outfit, so I may do that. Supposedly my friends are working on getting me that pinata filled with booze. I'm realizing that most of the people I will spend my b-day with this year are people I didn't even know on my last b-day. How strange. Did I just not have many friends a year ago? Or maybe I decided to get a bunch of new ones. Anyway, I'm happy to know these people and have them spend my b-day extravaganza weekend with me. I do take some solace in knowing I'm not alone in the age thing. This year, a few of my friends have already turned 30 and will continue to do so the rest of the year and early next year. We are in this together. But damn, what I wouldn't do to be 25 or 26 again. I guess when I think of 30, the most important thing is success. You expect to be doing what you love for a living and raking in the big bucks, and have a nice home, nice car, etc. I guess I thought by 30 I'd at least be doing what I loved for a living. I'm not quite there yet and I surely don't know many people who are. So, some goals I've set for my new decade are success, like finally making a living as a writer/journalist, not being so impoverished, maybe learning to cook, getting my own place and furnishing it nicely, not taking every little thing so seriously, and also travelling overseas. This is the big one. I have to go before I turn 31. Surprisingly, I'm not feeling a biological clock ticking. I have no desire to get married and have kids like most 30 year olds probably do. At least that pressure is off me for now. Like Jay-Z said, 30 is the new 20 and I believe him. Thank god 30 isn't what it used to be. But still, I don't wanna get older! *cry, cry, cry.*

So, for my b-day, I've changed my plans. I've moved my party to Friday night so that on my official b-day, the 15th, I can see Rilo Kiley in concert. They are one of my fave bands and I've never seen them live. I'm getting 2 free tickets which is even better. It seems fitting for me to see a show on my b-day. Hopefully it'll be worth it. And then if it's not too late, maybe have friends meet up after the show somewhere. It's going to be a binge drinking weekend, I can feel it.

I finally made it to Ohio for the weekend. No flooding this time. I tried to renew my license today but I ran into a problem. I still have my California license and want to transfer it to Ohio, but I have to take a written test at a different location. Screw that. I'm either just going to try to get a Illinois license (which also involves taking a test) or just renew my CA license via internet without needing to take a test, but the problem with that is I hate my current picture. I look like an Indian boy. Seriously. I was trying to get a wine sample at a fest this summer and the woman looked at my license and was like: "This is a boy's license." I assured her it was me and then she felt so humiliated, she poured me an entire glass of wine. Nice.

I have some movies to watch tonight: Inland Empire (3 hours long, ugh), Lives of Others, and Broken English, about a 30-something New Yorker who meets a hot French guy named Julien. Um, Frenchie's name is Julien. How ironic.