Insomnia

I think I'm suffering from insomnia. I just woke up from a really horrible dream. I dreamt I got evicted again. I was at a concert or somewhere with a friend late at night and got a call from my lease manager guy who was going on about how my roommates wanted me to move out because I was a drug dealer or something (I need to quit watching Weeds). I was furious and baffled and kept trying to convince the guy not to do this to me. I then asked if it was because I was a girl and he said yes and I threatened to sue him. In the dream, I went home to see one of my roommates who'd betrayed me. He was sitting there smug on the couch with his friends and I started yelling at him why he would do this to me. He remarked: "I don't get along with anyone." Then my cell phone broke and I begged him to fix it for me. And there were dogs in the apartment. On the bright side, my friends who just got married had sent me all sorts of candies and presents as late b-day gifts. I finally woke up and thank god it was just a dream. For now.

I think it was an anxiety dream because right now I have a lot of it, even though it seems latent. This dream in particular come steam from thoughts I've been having about wanting to get my own place when my lease it up. In the dream, I was thinking about getting my own pad (unless of course, god forbide, I ever got a boyfriend again and decided to move in with him, but ha, ha, that's really funny). I've been busy with traveling and now I've acquired a bit of a cold. Or it could be extreme allergies. One of my roommate's did something to his eye, so we're sorta a sickly household this week. My routine lately is I fall asleep then have restless dreams or get woken up and then can't fall back asleep (like now). I have also made the mistake of deciding to go to four concerts in three nights meaning Saturday I may actually have to cover two shows in one night. Tricky. I think I'm really spoiled because I can pretty much see any show I want for free but then I have to write about it. I can't help that in the next few days there are a ton of great bands coming to town including three of my faves, Interpol, Go! Team, and Spoon. I genuinely want to see them and have good intentions, but I'm realizing all this may be a bit much. And there are so many open bars, too, and I just can't ever say no. And I have writing assignments due next week and I can't sleep, blah, blah. I think some of my other anxiety delves from worrying about money and about my career. Will my internship turn into something profitable? Am I going to fail? I want to be solid and do a great job. I wish I had money to buy clothes and stuff. I'm stressing about guys a little because more and more I want real, old fashioned intimacy with someone. I don't necessarily want it to be about sex. I think that's why most of my post breakup with Ex Boyfriend relationships haven't lasted long because they were pretty much built around sex. Now I think I'm looking for a deeper connection and someone to possibly love me. I don't know how to get any of that. And maybe I've been watching episodes too many episodes of Tell Me You Love Me which is actually a decent show despite some of the gratuitous sex scenes. And there's one particular boy who's been intriguing me lately and is at the same time bringing my anxiety full-force and I keep trying to impress him and it drives me nuts knowing he now lives within walking distance of me, and blah, blah, blah.

I seriously need to rest. I don't want to be one of those celebs who collapse from exhaustion but as this juncture, I don't know how to relax about anything.