Gray Areas

Lately I've been feeling a little better. Thursday I had the day off so I rested up a bit. Thursday night I had a rough night at a show. I really hate the Aragon. It was my first and probably last time there. I had a difficult time getting my photo pass and therefore missed the opening band I was supposed to cover. I did see Interpol, which was the entire point of getting on the list. I was there alone and then some douchebag spilled beer all over me, etc. At least the band was good. Here I am bitching about such petty things when someone like my roommate may be going blind because of an eye infection. Things could always be worse. Friday I interviewed one of my fave bands, Stars. I think the interview went pretty well. I'm trying to ask better questions. Last night I saw another fave band of mine, Spoon, in concert. They were really great but at first I was in the front then somehow ended up in the back and couldn't see very well. Tonight I'm going to yet another show. I'm really lucky I get to see all these bands for free, but I think I need to take a break from them. Last week I saw one show, this week 3, and next week 2. I can't help it there's so many good bands coming to town. But after next week I think I'll stop for a week or so. I may be addicted to live music.

After the show, a group of friends and I went to a bar. I'll admit, I was kinda drunk. I hadn't drank all week. I think I need to only drink a couple of times a week from now on. Then, the bomb came. A certain someone I was with divulged to me some shocking information. I had no idea. This info caused me to become very upset. I started crying. I'm such a weepy drunk. I need to quit drinking and crying all the time. So, I'm upset and angry and my friend (god bless her) is trying to console me. I seriously don't know why everything has to be so complicated all the time. I don't know why there has to be so many obstacles to surmount. Why are there so many gray areas all the time? I believe in the direct approach that you should tell someone how you feel and be honest and not hold it in because eventually it'll burst out of you. That's what last night was. A revelation. Confessionary. I just laid it all out there and now I'm more confused than ever. I'm sick of excuses. Sick of bad timing and things not living up to my expectations. I don't understand why if you like someone and they mutually like you, why you just can't be together. Why are there so many fucking issues and baggage all the time? So, the evening ended on a somewhat promising, er, ambiguous note. On some level, what I've been wanting to happen for months finally did happen (the promising part) but now everything has become muddled and complicated and confusing and I have no idea how it's going to turn out but I can guarantee someone is going to get hurt and it's probably going to me. It was like an episode of "Grey's Anatomy." I'm like the Izzie character. I don't know how exactly I feel about what happened. I feel raw and upset and angry and I think this person is making a huge mistake and I don't approve and I want it my way but at the same time, maybe I'm not sure what I want. All I know is some things are worth fighting for and believe me, I'm going to fight hard for this one.

UPDATE: It is now technically Sunday morning and suddenly everything seems sorta redeemed. I guess I had a pretty good Saturday night which made up for the shitty Friday night. Sometimes it's really nice when people follow through especially when least expected. So maybe for now, everything is sorta right with the world. The rest of the weekend was fun, but I must write all day.