Today I'm having one of those days. Or maybe one of those years. First of all, it's Spring but yet it's snowing out. I can't believe this. It was nice for a couple of days. It was even thundering while snowing! This winter just doesn't want to end. I've been really stressed out with all the writing I've had to do lately. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in school with deadlines to meet and research, etc. I'm the kind of person who wants to do a great job and be on top of things and if for some reason I'm not, I beat myself up about it. Today I sorta screwed something up and for the past two days I've been immersed in re-edits and such for a couple of articles. These articles have involved a lot of interviewing and questioning, and interaction with my editor. Now all this is positive mind you, it just stresses me out. Maybe I don't work well under pressure. I don't know. I guess I want to be the best writer I can be and I hate it when I get edited and I want to prove to people I'm the best of the best. I don't want to drop the ball. I also think I really need a Blackberry so that I can always be in constant communication with people. Most of the time I have computer access, but there are times I don't, and that's when I need to be able to access my email and communicate with editors immediately. But alas, I can't afford one. I pride myself on being on top of things and being able to balance a lot, but sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. I guess what I'm trying to say is work is hard sometimes. I suppose it can't always be fun. But, really, most of the time I definitely enjoy what I do. I'm not appreciated the weekly critical emails My Open Bar sends us writers. Every week the head editors in NY go through and literally tear apart our listings. Apparently we're being censored. It's not okay to make racial jokes or ones about blacking out anymore. I mean, all good comedy is based on racism. Whatever.
So, I wrote an article on the Happy Hour Law this week and I think it turned out alright. I had to contact a lot of people for that including government officials. Then I wrote an article on the launch of Pitchfork TV which involved interviewing the guy who founded/runs Pitchfork. This was sorta exciting since I love Pitchfork and read it every day. It's simply changed the face of music criticism. At first I was skeptical about them starting an online video channel, but after a conversation with a friend and actually previewing the content, I became rather excited. MTV no longer plays videos and it's really hard to get a sense of a band from a written review. This site is gonna revolutionize the medium of videos and music content. I can't wait to see what happens.
I'm also frustrated about my taxes. So, I still haven't received my 1099 from a job I did last year. I can still file my taxes and give them an estimate, but seriously, why won't they send it to me? It sounds sorta shady to me. Well, my former company will be receiving a nice letter from the IRS I suppose.
Anyway, I'm to the point sometimes I just want to set everything on fire including myself. Of course I'm being hyperbolic, but lately people are pissing me off. And I'm pissing myself off. Maybe I'll be in a better mood when it actually acts like Spring. And I want to go to Europe. I miss Frenchie and my Swedish friend! I also haven't drank in almost a week. Unprecedented for me, although I think I'm drinking tonight. I think I need to at this point.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Set Yourself on Fire
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2 comments:
Hi. I have a question for you. Many of your blog entries reference your tight financial situation as a source of stress. But don't you feel that the trade-offs in your life priorities are worth it?
Back in school, I was the guy taking the hard major and studying like crazy. In grad school I only wanted to keep up my straight A grade average. In my 20s I was very career focused. I accomplished most of my career and financial goals, and I don't have your financial worries. I get a lot of respect in my job and although my job can be stressful at times, I never have the powerless feeling that you often express. It would not be possible for me to have your 1099 problem. But, all of this has come at a cost to my personal and social life. It sounds like you have a much more fun social life than I do.
So my question is: I assume that you would not trade the fun aspects of your life for some of the perks of mine? In other words, we all make the best choices for ourselves and when I was working my way up with 70 hour weeks, that would not have been right for you. So you may not be able to afford a blackberry, or to drive to Ohio, but you have things that are far more valuable that you wouldn't trade……right? So the next time you have financial crunch, you can smile and remember that everyone has their own priorities and you enjoy a lot of benefits as a result of not focusing your life on building high-paying career.
Eric
Eric,
First of all, thanks for your comment. It definitely made me think a little bit. I agree with you, but at the same time, I'd like to make enough money so I wouldn't have to stress every month about how I'm going to pay my rent. It sometimes affects my enjoyment of life and distracts me from focusing on more important things. I don't need a lot of money to live--I'm not a writer for the money--but I'd like to be able to pay my bills every month and have some money to take a vacation once in a while. Then again when I do have money, I'll blow it on frivolous things like booze or clothes, so my abject poverty has really taught me to live frugally. Then again, I do go to free concerts and drink for free a lot, so it's not like I have huge going out expenses.
But yes, I do think my friends and I have a lot of fun and I wouldn't trade that for anything. The alternative in my mind is settling: like getting a corporate job, moving to the suburbs, starting a family. I'm not into that. I think everyday is an adventure for me and I genuinely love the writing I do and experiences I have (although sometimes it's stressful). I do a lot of really cool and interesting things that I know some people are jealous of. But some extra cash would be nice, especially making a living at doing what I love. Isn't that the American Dream?
I feel all of my experiences will be good material for that great American novel I'll write someday. Or stories to tell in rehab.
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