It's Hard Out There for a Pimp

Lately, I've felt some dissonance from people. I owe my roommate a ton of money in utilities and he's mad I haven't paid him. I understand where he's coming from and everything, but I also don't understand why our utilities are so much. I know I constantly complain about my financial ruins on here, but I need to do something, like get a part-time job. I'm just sinking further into debt and I don't like this. One of my friend's lectured me and told me I should move home, but that's not going to happen. I'm going to take responsibility for my own actions from now on. I even put my Netflix subscription on hold to save money. I suppose every paycheck I get from here on out will have to go to paying bills, which really sucks. Welcome to the real world, I guess. My neighbors are also mad at me because apparently I don't know how to park between the lines. And I've also been annoyed about a certain person whom I'm no longer acquainted with. Yeah, I kinda told this person off a couple of months ago, and then of course I wonder why this person doesn't like me. Go figure. I just want everyone to like me. But if you piss me off, I'm going to set you straight. For good.

I think I may have to re-evaluate this whole writing thing. I enjoy what I do for the most part, and most of it pays (I just picked up another paid gig at Centerstage), albeit sometimes it takes a while, but do I still want to be writing about bars when I'm 50? The same friend who told me I should move home keeps encouraging me to write that damn book I've been working on forever. He keeps telling me that's what I should be doing with my time. It angers me he lectures me, but at the same time, he's right. I think my ultimate goal is to be a novelist. I think my book could change lives and make a difference. I was thinking about doing it as a website, maybe. But alas, I don't have the time or energy to pursue it or the technology and a friend is supposed to work on it with me. I'm also probably going to start my own website with my name to showcase my writing. All professional freelancers have one. It doesn't cost much to host it, but I need to find someone to design it for me for cheap or free. Basically I need to start making some feasible changes or else. I also need to get around to quitting my internship, but I'm attached. It's like a lover I can't leave but know I have to for my own well being.

Monday night, I started jogging. I wasn't able to run far or for a long time, but I did it. Then I went dancing. So I've been sorta sore lately. I need to jog every other day or something. I've come down with yet another cold. Every 6 weeks I think I make myself sick. I just get so worn down. I guess I'm trying to do too much. If I had it my way, I'd be a million places at once. I was supposed to see my friend's band play tonight but opted to hang out with a friend and watch movies instead. I have a hard time saying no but feel bad when I blow things off. I'm only human. And this week especially I'm feeling under the weather. My friend and I watched Hustle and Flow followed by Me, You and Everyone We Know. The former was about making your dreams come true which spoke to me because I was trying to convince someone today I wasn't wasting my time with my dreams. The latter is quirky indie film I'd seen before and thought was just okay. But tonight it spoke to me on a new level. It's about human connection, that undeniable and sometimes desperate force to feel apart of another person whether platonically or romantically. It's about sharing a definable moment, as fleeting as they are.

Anyway, I don't think I'm going to slow down anytime soon. Tomorrow is the start of Artropolis so I'll be busy viewing art and engaging in various parties and functions. I'm supposed to go to an open bar tomorrow night and a couple of concerts this weekend. What I've come to realize is I need to watch more movies. There's just something about chilling out and watching movies that relaxes me and makes me feel better. I think my friend and I are going to the movies this weekend, free of course.

Spring is finally here. As upset as I am about my financial state and lack of a future, the tulips are blooming and everyone is in such a better mood because we all know summer is on the way. The air smells fresh and finally people are coming out of hibernation. In the springtime, things bloom. Like a relationship. And I will leave it at that.