D-Bags

The weather was fairly decent over the weekend. It rained a little and today was slightly chilly, but I think it's gotten to the point where winter is officially over. There's still a chance of snow, but if it does snow, there won't be a lot of it. It's all uphill from here.

Friday night I saw Rogue Wave in concert. I thought they were pretty good, but they were different live. I think I like their albums better. Saturday night I met up with some friends at a bar and went to an Italian party. Last night was the first time I really drank all week. Lately, I haven't felt like drinking that much. I'm still going to start jogging and eating healthier. I have to get into shape. Drinking costs too much money, too. On Thursday, I locked myself out of my apartment. I'm usually really good at not leaving keys behind. I'm the kind of person who checks obsessively to make sure I have everything. But, I left the house without my keys. I was in a hurry to interview a band. So, of course my roommates weren't home and of course I had to walk all the way to one of my roommate's office to get his keys. Ironically enough, my other roommate lost his keys on his way to work that morning. That was the same morning of the earthquake so I blame it on that. Then when I left the house yesterday, I forgot my keys again! What a space cadet I've been. Luckily, one of my roommates was home to let me in. I should probably key somewhere. What a pain in the ass.

Today I hung out with ex-boyfriend for part of the afternoon. Sometimes it makes me sad being around him because as tumultuous as our relationship was, I feel like I'll never find what we had with anyone ever again. We have our own secret language. I'd never get back together with him, but I think there's a reason neither of us have seriously dated anyone in the past two years. We got into a discussion about the people we've been involved with post-breakup which in turn got me thinking about my post breakup years. I kept thinking, I used to be so innocent. Before meeting him, I hadn't been involved with too many people. But since moving to Chicago, that's changed a lot. Maybe there's just a certain accessibility in living in a big city. Maybe it's just easier to meet people. Or maybe I've lowered my standards. Anyway, every single guy I've been involved with in the past two years has not wanted a relationship, or just wanted to be friends, or was emotionally unavailable or just wanted a very casual friends with benefit situation. Why do I attract these types? Well, enough. I'll admit I've made some poor decisions with men and in hindsight, sometimes I think, "Why did I get involved with that one?" But no more. As my friend told me today, "Quit making excuses for them." She's right. I deserve more then a friends with benefit situation. This is all related to the self-improvement mode I'm in. I think I am doing better with guys, but in the immortal words of U2, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." There's a situation brewing right now that I'm trying to swerve into another direction. If I can successfully do that, then I think it'll be a really good thing. In the meantime, I'm trying to break myself of some old habits.

Anyway, another stress-filled week is upon me. I know I'm going to be running around a lot as usual. I look forward to the quiet moments these days when I don't have to do anything. Those are becoming few and far between.