Looking for Mr. Dobler

I came across an interesting blog post today. A local Chicago writer discuss the character Lloyd Dobler from the excellent film Say Anything. If you're not familiar with the movie (and who isn't?), the character of Lloyd is basically the perfect boyfriend. Sure, he's a bit needy and he goes for a girl out of his league, but he knows what he wants. The article compares the character of Vince Vaughn in Swingers (another good relationship flick) to Lloyd mentioning Vince is the stereotypical sleazeball while Lloyd is the right kind of bloke. Lloyd is the kind of guy who will make sure you don't walk on broken glass. He wants his job in life to be with you because "he's good at it." He knows what he wants and goes for it. He knows Diane Court isn't good enough for him, but he pursues here anyway and wins her over. He stands outside her house playing a boom box for godsakes. Okay, a little creepy, but he pursues her because he knows in his heart she's the one. Sigh. Why can't more guys be like this?

The author, Elizabeth Crane, gives the good news that she married a Lloyd Dobler. Yes, they really do exist! And more than one of them! I've decided this is what I want. No more Vince Vaughn douchebags who are in it for the casual sex. Sure, they are charming, but they never stick around. I've sent the link to a lot of my single girlfriends because they too need to realize their worth. Why settle for less? What I like about Lloyd is his confidence. He knows he's not good enough, but he marches ahead anyway. Most of the guys I've been involved with tell me they aren't good enough for me and give up. They are too insecure to fight. Lloyd fights (literally). The best line is: "Are you here because you need someone or because you need me?" because as the article suggests, there's a big difference. There's nothing wrong with needing someone, yunno. I don't think I've met any Lloyds. The guys I've been involved with probably had shades of Lloyds periodically, but not consistently. Lloyd is one of the good ones and I'm not going to stop until I find him. In the past couple of years, I've quickly lowered my expectations. I used to have a litany of characteristics I wanted in a guy, now all I really want is a guy to spend money on me, make sure I don't cut myself on broken glass and say "bless you." In another awesome relationship movie, Singles, Bridget Fonda's character only wants a guy to say "bless you" to her. And when her on again, off again boyfriend finally says it, oh, it's simply love. It's the little things that go a long way and say a lot.

This is one of my fave passages from the article:

Looks, charm, brains, humor, success, kindness. Yes, we don’t necessarily choose men who meet more than one of these criteria at a time. Some of us are easily distracted by someone with only one of the above, if it’s outstanding enough, and we’ll overlook a penchant for excessive pot-smoking if let’s say the guy in question plays bass for our favorite indie rock band. Or we’ll pretend we’re okay with the relationship being “undefined” if the guy sends especially funny emails every other day even though he doesn’t make plans more than one night a month, usually at four-thirty on a Saturday afternoon for the same night – to just “hang out.” Poor choices aside, more than anything, we want to be romanced, to be swept off our feet, as they say, and a lot of us find ourselves single longer than we planned to be because it hasn’t happened yet, because life isn’t like a movie. There is an argument to be made that moderately nice and successful are enough. But many of us hold out and as we hold out, our grandmothers and other people tell us we’re too picky. Which is so wrong on a million levels. I have always thought that a lot of us aren’t nearly picky enough.

Yes! She is absolutely right. She ends on this notion:

Wait for Lloyd Dobler. Lloyd Dobler would beat Vince Vaughn from Swingers in a fight in like, one round and that’s even if you put an eyepatch on him and gave Vince Vaughn from Swingers the weapon of your choice and maybe a superpower.

And that is what I'm going to do: wait for him. Impatiently.