The Summer of '99

I've been feeling really nostalgic lately and maybe that's my way of escaping the pitiful reality that is my life. I was at a bar tonight and someone started playing "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys on the jukebox. Yeah, I know the Backstreet Boys suck, but I love that song. It evokes so many memories for me. That song was released in the summer of '99. I've never owned a Backstreet cd, but I will admit I bought that single back then and recently downloaded it onto my Itunes. The summer of '99 wasn't that significant for me, but sometimes I think it parallels my life right now. During that summer, I had just finished up two internships and was unemployed. I was trying to break into the entertainment industry, to find a job. I was taking some summer school preparing to re-enroll in college for August. I remember being really depressed because I wasn't working, but luckily back then my dad was still alive to support me. I was living with my cousin in L.A. During the day, I'd try to write or go to the beach. I feel like that now when I have down time--I want to go to the lake and pool. Yes, I'm unemployed again, still trying to write, etc, so maybe my life isn't too different from when I was 22. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I would go out with my friends at night and it was fun. Of course the people I hung out with back then are all married and have kids now and of course I don't talk to my cousin anymore, so it was a different time. I also saw every movie that came out. 1999 was the year of The Matrix and The Blair Witch Project. It was also the summer of Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears and Ricky Martin. Like I said before, I never owned any of their cds, but I remember my friends incessantly playing that Backstreet album. Sometimes I wonder if my life would've been different if I had spent my early-mid 20s in Chicago instead of L.A. Would things have been that different? Would I have become a different person? During that summer, I had a crush on a guy named Zac. A year later I would lose my virginity to him and never speak to him again, but of course I didn't know that at the time (At least I can say I slept with someone who went to Harvard Law School. Thank, Google!) There was another guy named Matt who I briefly dated. He reminded me of a young Woody Allen, which probably was the reason I never even made out with him. I do remember talking to him on the phone one night for like five hours. That summer was also a summer of heartache when the guy I really liked, Josh, told me he just wanted to be friends. That's another story entirely, but it was significant at the time. Yeah, I struck out a lot back then. I don't know why I keep going back to that summer. Maybe it was a purer time in my life or maybe because I'm still struggling with the same issues nine years later. Maybe I haven't come that far.

I keep wondering how much longer I'll be living in Chicago especially since all my friends here are prepared to leave within the next year. My friend tonight brought up the point I'm drawn to transient people, people who like to move and travel, so it's makes sense for all my friends to eventually move away. I'd say most of my friends here aren't from Chicago, but there's also a handful who are. I never understood those who never moved away from where they grew up. I think I have at least one more Chicago year in me, but then what? I think NY is out. I'm fascinated with the Pacific Northwest or Nashville. I don't know. I gave L.A five years of my life and I'm sure back in '99 I'd never thought I'd leave, so who knows. I just know I can't stay in Chicago forever.

But yeah, the summer of '99. A transitional summer. I think I'm experiencing that again. I'm trying to figure out what the hell to do. My horoscope was dead on this week mentioning now is the perfect time to set some long term goals. I must think more about this. I keep thinking I can't spend the rest of my life writing about bars. There has to be something more. Tonight my friend asked me if I love writing. Interesting question. I love writing, but I consider mainly what I do to be journalism/reporting, not necessarily writing. But goddamn, I want to be a fucking writer. I want to write novels and short stories. The journalism is just for the money, but the writing, well, that's for the glory I suppose. That's the legacy I want to leave behind.