Love and Other Catastrophes

For about a week, we got a glimpse of springtime, but now that's over. It's back to being cold, but not freezing your limbs off cold. I'm not keen about "faux springtime." Sure, it's warmer out, but it's still technically winter -- so let's not get too excited. I think it's suppose to snow this weekend. I had forgotten what the grass looked like.

In less than 2 weeks, I'll be in Costa Rica. For some reason, I'm not that excited yet. It just doesn't seem real to me yet. I'm also still nervous something will go horribly wrong while we're there like being attacked by monkey or Mel Gibson. We decided we want to drive to the Caribbean side of the country. This might entail dodging mudslides and bad roads, but I'd like to see the Caribbean sea. I don't consider myself an adventurer, so I'm not sure how that part of the trip will pan out. I think I'll just be glad when we make it to the all-inclusive part of the trip. I'm also not looking forward to the plane ride there. It's going to take quite a while. And flying over large bodies of water make me nervous. Yes, I'm a constant worrier. Not good.

Wed. was the boyfriend's b-day. I actually made him a nice dinner. I've been trying to cook more, and think I was successful at it (well, nothing got burnt and he did say everything was good). I really don't understand how people cook big meals every night for their family. It's hard work! I think this is one reason I don't want kids because I'd be serving microwaved pizza every night. Last night I got the boyfriend and I into a concert. I've really slowed down with the concerts. The show wasn't our typical brand of rock concert at all, so it was a nice change of pace.

Next Saturday is one of my writer's 30th b-day, so it looks like a bar in the area is going to give us an open bar and drink specials for us. I like using my clout and connections for a good cause. I think it's going to be crazy fun and a good way to break up the monotony of this miserable winter. It seems like Feb. is a huge month for b-days. I don't get it. Half the people I know seem to have b-days this month. July is also another huge b-day month. So far this year I've know about five people who've turned 30. There must be something about 1979...

Tomorrow is V-Day, which of course makes me reflect a lot about love and relationships. I'm definitely in a much better place romantically this year than last year. It's funny because I spent last V-Day with the boyfriend and other singletons at a bar. I'd never imagined in a million years that a year later he and I would be a bonafide couple. In fact, a couple of my single girlfriends from last year have gone on to meet nice guys. So, it can happen. Even though I'm in a good place relationship wise, I can't help worrying about a lot of silly things. I keep thinking what will the future bring? Will we still be together five years from now? Will we eventually get sick of each other and drift apart? What if there's someone even better for me out there who I haven't met yet? I really believe relationships serve a purpose, like everyone is in your life for a reason and for a set period of time. In hindsight, I can look back at the past and realize everyone has served a purpose. I have also been wrong a lot about things I thought were meant that turned out not to be. So, I worry. And I spy. All of course to protect myself from things going horribly wrong. Also, getting your heartbroken in the past makes you even more protective of your emotions. I know I should focus on the moment and enjoy myself, but I can't help thinking about the past and the future. I can't help thinking about ex-girlfriends and boyfriends and wishing they didn't exist. I do think the boyfriend is a step up from my last relationship. I also know I'm a hundred times better than the stupid girls he's dated. I take a lot of comfort in that but I also feel like I have to prove myself worthy to him all the time. I need to keep reinforcing to him how amazing I truly am. I do think he realizes this. At least he better.

I started watching a show called The Ex List. It aired last fall but got cancelled after four episodes. It's about a 30 year old woman who goes to a psychic. The psychic tells her if she doesn't marry in a year, she'll never marry, and that she has already dated her future husband. Suddenly, men from her past start popping out of the woodwork. And they all happen to be single. Um, yeah. Right. So, she starts re-dating them to see if they're "the one." It's sorta a silly concept, but I totally get the idea of "what if?" I can honestly say I don't have any "what ifs?" in my closet. It seems with most of my past guys, I've had second chances with a lot of them...and yunno what? The second time around isn't better than the first. You can't recreate what once was. All of those "what ifs" have been diminished for me, which is a good thing. It makes moving forward a lot easier.

I finally saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I got sick of Netflix's "very long wait" status so I watched it online. You can watch everything online including new movies. Love that. I could sorta relate to Penelope Cruz's character in the film because she's sort of crazy and tries to stab her husband. Interesting. I also watched Rachel Getting Married. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It's definitely a grower type of movie. Anne Hathaway deserves her Oscar nomination for it. It's a great alternative from the fluff she usually does. I really hope she continues to do interesting films, but I know she won't. I just downloaded Two Lovers, the new Joaquin Phoenix movie. Can't wait to watch it even though Phoenix has gone bad shit. That "Letterman" appearance was priceless.

Anyway, tomorrow the boyfriend and I will celebrate V-day together. We are going to an Italian restaurant for dinner. I want to go to this cupcake shop downtown and get $1 frosting shots. I know V-day is a made up holiday and doesn't mean much, but it does evoke certain thoughts on love and relationships. I think I just need to calm the hell down and appreciate what I do have, which is something pretty damn great. And just think about my trip instead about white-faced monkeys coming at me and stupid ex-girlfriends experiencing a High Fidelity, what does it all mean? thing.