Molting

It is finally getting warmer outside, but the weather is still a bit brisk. I spent the majority of the weekend visiting art galleries and doing art write ups. I really like going to galleries, especially the smaller ones. Museums I can take them or leave them. And then I saw Blonde Redhead in concert. So good.

There are some drastic changes brewing on the horizon. I have decided come June, I am parting ways with my current roommate. I really need my own place. I'm at that age where I need to be completely autonomous. But, I'm not sure if I can afford to live alone and I really want to only sublet, so we'll see what happens. Sometimes it's quite difficult to get along with people. It's so hard to maintain friendly relations with people. I do my best to not burn bridges and sustain friendships, but personalities clash sometimes and people grow apart. I'm not good at living with people, but luckily I have kept good friendships with all my former roommates. I try my best to be friends with exes and such, but sometimes you just need time and distance to smooth things over. In some cases, a lot of time and distance. Right now I'm really trying to focus on my writing. I wrote four articles over the weekend. All of that is really positive as is going to shows and spending time with people who matter. These are the things I want to put my energies into. I want to always be immersed in good literature, art, music, etc, and surround myself with those who appreciate it as much as I do. As for relationships, I'm taking a short break, I guess. Sorta self-imposed, sorta not. I think this will be better for me. Boy drama gets me down and distracts me from the aforementioned positive things. But, knowing myself, I will probably get involved with someone new or old soon. It's just my style. There are things that bring me down a lot: people, debt, taxes, other situations, but I'm trying to deal with them the best I can and to keep surrounding myself with people who I can relate to. I have been wrong about some people in the past and I'm glad I rectified those situations. Somehow, I will get through this life with limbs and karma intact. I want to be a good person. I want people to think I'm a good person. I want to quit being angry at certain people and situations when they don't go my way. I want to be a great writer and have people know this. I want to stay in touch with the people who matter to me. Sometimes there are challenges, but it's how you overcome them that matters. I don't want to look back wishing I did things differently. So far, I've accepted the life that has been given to me. I think we have control over some things, but others not so much. I do think we can reverse certain unappealing situations and make things better for ourselves. But, as Ferris Bueller once said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around, you might miss it." It's time for me to molt. Shed some "skin" and get rid of negativity. And sometimes it's okay to leave people behind. You may or may not go back to them later on. If it's meant to be, if they contribute something good to your life, they will inevitably return to you. If not, wish them well and don't look back. But be completely certain of this first.

I think people tend to focus on the negative aspects of the world like peak oil, the fact honey bees are dying off, our current administration, but what people don't realize is there's so much beauty in the world (going back circa 1999 to American Beauty). So much to see and experience. This is what I truly care about–not all the destruction and apathy and impending plagues and what not. You can spin pain into some great fiction and make it worthwhile. You can really turn any negative situation into a positive one. My life is constantly changing and sometimes I wonder if it's for the best or not. On the other hand, I don't want my life to be stagnant but having some sort of stability and constant factors is nice. You have to do what's in your best interest. You just have to keep going. Going, going, going, and make sense of the past that filters into the present while also living in the moment and keeping the future on the periphery.