Oh No, Not Again

I think soon I'm gonna panic. Any second now. Just a few minutes ago, one of my roommates told the other one he has to move out. Holy shit! Apparently there are issues I didn't even know existed between them. So, the one guy has to find another place now. Big sigh. This proves my point once again that 3 people living together does not work. The same bullshit happened in my last place. Why can't we all get along? The roommate who is staying asked me to stay and sign the lease (which is up in August.) This is going to be a pain in the ass because I have to fill out an application, eventually put down a deposit, and get a credit check which I know I'll fail because I have bad credit. We will then have to find a third roommate. Joy. I really should re-think this and just get my own damn place to quash anymore roommate drama. So now I'm stressed about money and my living situation. It's gonna be sorta awkward around here. I think I will have to stay away. This involves getting a job. Any job as long as it gets me away from being home during the day.

Speaking of jobs, I'm currently dragging my feet on finding a job. I keep sending out resumes to no avail. My staffing agency has nothing for me at the moment. A part of me just doesn't care because every job has been a lateral movement. I want a job to take me upward, not sideways. Soon I will just have to suck it up and get another shitty job, but I'm stalling a little. I want something better. I'm waiting for a job to fall into my lap. Most of the people I know do not like their jobs. Most of them think of their jobs as being mediocre. I hate this. I hate we are all slaves and drones and have no choice to work so we can get by. The mentality is so much different in Europe then it is here. America is all about commerce, but in Europe, they really know how to enjoy life. I don't want to sell out. I don't want to give up on my dreams like so many people I know. I don't want to be another number is the grand scheme of things. I refuse. I guess the trick is to work yet keep dreaming and keep trying and not give up and not allow yourself to succumb to being brainwashed and settling for less. It's a tricky thing, though. I'm just sick of struggling and not being able to do what I'm really good at full-time. Shuffling papers around and staring at a computer screen all day isn't my idea of fun. I will eventually find a way out of this even if it means I have to starve and work the streets. So, I've been spending the day applying for jobs that I may actually like (gasp!) thanks to my friend for sending the listings my way. I'm not going to be like everyone else. No sir. I'm not going to compromise my integrity. Fuck it. And fuck the American Dream. It doesn't exist.

People all the time ask me how I can write what I do on this (and now my other) blog. I do basically throw it all out there, but not like I used to. I guess it helps me collect my thoughts but I do it so people can hopefully relate to me. I think people do relate to the stuff I ramble about. And maybe I entertain the bored-at-work crowd. I read other peoples blogs for insight and so I can connect with others who are going through the same issues. Plus sometimes you'll learn something or discover a new movie or book. It's also because people can get inside my thoughts and keep track of me. But then again, when I do see people, they can't really ask me "what's new?" because they already know everything. Me blogging is one sided and gives my readers an unfair advantage against me. If someone doesn't have a blog, I can't get inside their head, but they certainly get inside mine. As for my short fiction blog, I'm doing it as a means to force myself to write more frequently, especially in that genre. I've had ideas in the works for a while and it feels good to finally get them out there. Of course I'm very tentative to what the reaction will be, but I will be prepared for the backlash this time (if there is one).

Tonight I'm going to see The National in concert. It'll be my third time seeing them, first time with their new material. Maybe that'll help brighten my spirits. Art! Music! These are the important things. Not working 60 hours a week. Senseless. This weekend will entail free beer and an interesting themed party. I can't wait to see what trouble I will get myself into. Trouble awaits.