Strippers, Interning, and Life

This weekend I'm going to my very first (and probably last) bachelor party. I've seen that Tom Hanks movie Bachelor Party way more than I care to admit, but somehow I don't think the party I'm going to will be as crazy as that one. Two of my best friends are getting married in October and I'm gonna be a groomswoman. It's myself, another girl, and some guys on the groom's side. I really want to wear a tux, but they won't let me. I have to wear a dress. I know the bachelor party will entail strippers. I haven't been to a strip club in several years. When I lived in L.A, I went to a couple of "gentlemen clubs with guy friends." The first strip club I ever went to was in Windsor, Canada in college. It was a guy's strip club and was shocking to me at the time. Strip clubs are fun for like 10 minutes then I grow bored. At least the guys I'll be with are sorta nerdy and not the type who gawk at women all the time. They are also hilarious so I know it'll be fun. I have to drive all the way home tomorrow night then go to the bridal shower on Saturday afternoon, then the party later at night. I will miss the bachelorette party, but will probably be going to the NY one in September. I haven't seen my friends who are getting married since Christmas, so I'm glad I'll be seeing them more in the next couple of months. I don't particularly want to deal with wedding stuff, though. I don't like having a 100 eyes on me while I walk down the aisle and weddings can be expensive. Just lead me to the open bar and I'll be fine.

I've been interning a lot this week and so far so good. Of course I have to do tedious things like fact checking and transcribing interviews, but on any given day it's better than any stupid office job. I really want to work for a magazine, especially Time Out. I have yet to write anything for them, so I'm waiting for that to happen. The place reminds me a little of my days in L.A. You have all these people meeting deadlines, generating ideas, and trying to put something together. I'm the lowly intern trying to work up the ranks doing the things no one else has time for. I just hope it finally gets me somewhere. I feel like I'm on the brink and have come a long way. I just want to write for a living, goddammit. No more stupid office jobs to get by.

I'm also finding it hard to be disciplined. Like Monday night. I told myself I wasn't going to drink this week, then ended up going out drinking till midnight. Oops. I really wish I could make more time to just stay at home and watch movies and listen to music. I'm so tired a lot of the time it's hard to be motivated. But somehow, I get things done when they need to be. I'm also in a mode where I feel like avoiding guys. I'm not getting what I want from anyone right now and it's probably best if I just cool it for a while. But of course, I get bored without the drama. I'm just frustrated. There are more important things to focus on. I have a lot of other things to think about. Like my b-day. And travelling overseas at some point. And all the free concerts I'm lining up for the fall. And being a kick ass journalist. At least, these are the things I tell myself. Somehow, I have to believe everything will fall into place and turn out the way it's meant to be.

Something I learned this week--if you tell someone you are ready to open up to them, it's not a good idea. You shouldn't force opening up to people--this needs to happen gradually and on its own. Also, don't approach the subject as if something completely horrible happened to you. And something I learned vicariously from a friend this week: Don't approach a guy with the sentiment "come over and have a relaxing kissing session with me." Doesn't work. That's for you, T.

Another thing I learned: don't get involved with actors because you will see a picture of them in a certain local publication and feel really awkward about it.