All I Want For Christmas

This has been quite a long week and yet it's not even close to being over. I'll be glad when next weekend gets here so I can go home for Christmas. But between now and then are a bevy of parties and writing deadlines. Tuesday night I didn't end up DJing. I went to see Aimee Mann which was an interesting show. I like her a lot but could've done without the special guests. Plus two drunk guys sitting next to me were very distracting. I hope she comes back with just herself. I'd see that show. There's a saying I like: "Fate can only take you so far then it's up to you to make it happen." I think we are steered in certain directions sometimes but it's up to us to take advantage of it. I guess that was what Tuesday night ended up like. I was all set to go to this Christmas party and DJ when I realized I was sorta broke. Feeling depressed and not wanting to drive across town in the sleet, I choose another option that turned out to be much more interesting. Getting only three hours of sleep was not a good thing, but the rest of the evening was positive. The result remains to be seen, though. I guess I just have to be patient and trust the universe on this one.

It's the end of the year and I feel like at the end, it could go either way. I feel either by the end you're going to have everything come together in a neat package or you'll gonna burn everything down so you can start anew in the new year. I think I'm heading in the direction of the latter. I mean, my cell phone battery doesn't really work, my Ipod earbuds are totally gnarled, instead of getting out of debt this year I've gotten more into debt, I'm completely broke because I've been interning for free for the past four months, making sacrifices in hopes for something better but right now everything's in limbo, I recently met a great guy and guess what, he has a girlfriend. Of course he does. So I've decided to let it all burn down. It's like in the season finale of Grey's Anatomy, the whole purpose was to burn all the character arcs so in the new season they could start over. It's also like that Death Cab for Cutie song, "Your Heart is an Empty Room" with the lyric: "Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground/And start new when your heart is an empty room." So, I'm just gonna let it all burn to the ground and come Jan. 1st, build up again. I will build a financially stable palace with bright gleaming coins. I will build a love nest with the right guy. I will get that fucking great job. It has to happen in 2008, right? Because I can't live on scrambled eggs forever. Or can I? I always feel like I'm on the cusp of greatness, so it just needs to happen. I need to be saved. Right. Now. Or after the holidays.

For the holidays I want something special. I want my life to be a romantic comedy. I keep thinking about Love, Actually and how it's Christmas and all these couples profess their love for each other. I think about the final scene in When Harry Met Sally when he's rushing across the empty streets of NY to tell Sally he loves her and goes: "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Sigh. And even the movie The Apartment. Great flick. A very young Shirley MacLaine is at a New Year's Eve party with the man who she thinks she loves, a man who left his wife for her, but suddenly she realizes it's Jack Lemmon who she should be with. She rushes across the streets of New York (hmmm, I think When Harry ripped it off) and goes to see Jack Lemmon who is alone. He tells her he adores her and they're playing cards and she smiles and coyly says: "Shut up and deal." Quintessential material. Alas, as much as I want at least one of these scenarios to happen, it won't. I can dream, can't I?

I completely exhausted. Last night was My Open Bar private Christmas party and it was fun. It was a small group of us in a lounge just drinking whatever we wanted for free. I know I've made some poor decisions this year (like not paying parking tickets then realizing they double if unpaid), but deciding to write for an alcohol website was a wise decision. So was writing for a music blog. If only I could make a living at these ventures, I'd be set for life. This weekend I have a few parties to go to. My Swedish friend is going back to Sweden in a matter of days, so he's cooking an authentic Swedish meal for a few people. I will miss him. I will have to go to Sweden. In other news, my friend in LA called me last night to inform me he's getting married in Jan or Feb. I'm not only happy for him, but now I get to go to LA for a few days. I've been looking for an excuse to go. I can't wait to leave the cold and snow here in exchange for warm weather and beach.