The Lost Weekend

I feel like I spent most of the weekend in some sort of haze. It probably didn't help I spent most of it partying in some form or another. Friday night my friend and I went to an open and last night I went to a friend's graduation party. His place reconfirmed that everyone I know in Chicago has a nicer place than me. His place is two stories and he has an amazing view of the city. I want a place with a view. My current place only has a view of a brick wall. I really need to find a cool place to live by August 1, somewhere cheap with a stellar view and a good amount of space to throw parties.

The entire weekend I felt sort of strange. I don't know if it's because of the rainy, warm then cold spring or because there's been a lot of stuff going on, but I feel like things are about to change. I know a bunch of people who just graduated from law school thus graduation makes me feel nostalgic for when I graduated from school. It's a rite of passage that changes your life. Soon it'll officially be summer and I have no idea what that's going to entail. I want to travel a lot, but with gas prices the way they are, I don't know if that's going to happen. I want to go to the ocean. I want friends to come visit me, too. I hope everything changes in a good way because I've been waiting for that for a while. In the fall, it looks like a couple of my friends are going to move away and I'm not sure how I feel about it. What if everyone leaves me? There are a lot of friends I haven't seen in a while, people I used to hang out with a lot but for some reason don't anymore. It's funny how that works. Maybe I need to make new friends or find a way to hang out with the old ones.

In some ways, I have a sense everything is going to be okay. I've been freaking out about a lot of things lately, but I really think I have no reason to freak out so much. I just need to let things happen the way they're meant to happen. I'm still worried about my concussion friend. She's doing a lot better but sometimes I feel like I should stay with her just to make sure. I guess what I want now is to travel, to have interesting experiences, to take advantage of what the city has to offer, to have everyone like me and respond to me positively, to have money, to get that PR job, to continue to freelance and do a great job at it, to go to shows, to be healthy and to solidify my love life more. Sometimes I'm just so confused by boys. I wish I could stop being so insecure and torn all the time. I'm sure that'll eventually work itself out but who knows how and/or when.

I can't believe this coming weekend is already Memorial Day. I can wear white pants again! How did summer sneak up on us?